a happy new year.
i've been doing my work, viz. writing my master's thesis. now i'm living at the students' room of ethics (hope this phrase makes sense). it's been very enjoyable holidays so far, doing nothing but writing and moaning.
o, i'm writing as if i'm depressed, ain't i? actually, i'm as happy as ever, or maybe happier than ever before. that's mainly because i got some scholarship and hopefully i'll be rich for a few years. but whether i can get money or not depends on how my master's thesis will come out. hope it will come out well.
the other day i read something about dyslexia, disablity or difficulty to read written words. according to that book, people suffering from dyslexia, when writing, typically forget to begin the sentence with a capital letter, and to end it with a period. luckily i'm not suffering from that disability, but i shall keep on writing with no capital letters!
some days back i finally handed in my master's thesis. the defense of my thesis (i'm not sure if this is the right way of describing the matter) is going to be held in the beginning of february, so i'm still studying the same stuff, namely bentham.
someone sent me an e-mail, saying s/he (i don't know which sex) is doing a research on the death penalty. i wanted to write a reply, and did send an e-mail, but the address wasn't right. so if that someone reads this, please inform me of the correct e-mail address and if `carley' is a male name or a female name.
o, i made it. i did it. o. o. a few days ago i was finally allowed to go on to the doctoral course.
now everybody tells me to study abroad (even my teachers say so. ain't it a bit funny?), so i'm checking on it. first of all, i must make sure i have enough money to study abroad. then i have to decide where to go (most likely, UCL) and take whatever tests i need to take (ex. toefl).
o no, i'm going to take toefl (test of english as a foreign language) on april 17. i have to update this page more often in order to improve my english writing skills. o no.
o no, i haven't even decided which country to go to. i'd like to study in britain, if money allows. on the other hand, i'm applying for the fulbright scholarship; that means i'm sitting on the fence. i might get that scholarship you know, so i'd better look for a good US college too. o no.
i'm so sleepy. why does time pass so quickly? i can't get my work done at all. o no.
i'm now reading hobbes's human nature with some other students in the ethics department. mr hobbes is defining for us several kinds of passions we feel. below is the definiton of trust and distrust.
ch.9. 9. trust is a passion proceeding from the belief of him from whom we expect or hope for good, so free from doubt that upon the same we pursue no other way to attain the same good: as distrust or diffidence is doubt, that maketh him endeavour to provide himself by other means. And that this is the meaning of the words trust and distrust, is manifest from this, that man never provideth himself by a second way, but when he mistrusteth that the first will not hold.
what do you think? is he defining the words properly?
and now it's already friday. i have exactly the same complaints as below. o no.
bizi bizi bizi. now i'm learning french and english at once.
bonsieur. non, j'ai ne yet mastered pas french, monsieur.
i feel i'm always hanging around with one or more friends of mine. let me be alone for some time, will you? so i can read sf.
o, did i say i've been reading orson scott card's lost boys? i'm reading it in english and i'm reading real slow now. well, i'll be able to read more quickly some time, you know.
well, i'm a master of arts now. and i'm in the doctral course.
i still can't tell right from wrong, but i will try hard, so don't forsake me, my friends!
spring rain.
i was dead tired yesterday. i got up very early in the morning, studied for two hours, and then i rode my bicycle for thirty minutes or so to get to some private university to take a toefl (test of english as a foreign language or something).
naturally the test took me my whole energy for the day. how did it go? i hope i did it well.
recently i've started studying bioethics almost from the scratch. i learned that i should have a respect for persons, do beneficent acts toward others, and treat equals equally. man, i'm becoming a better person.
i'm beginning to think that someone has been stealing my precious time out of my life. maybe it's cia.
...and one more day before i get rich.
long time no see. i've been busy, really.
some people don't know how to open a door, you know... they just go inside a room without knocking or saying hello or anything. sometimes i get very frightened because people suddenly appear in the room where i was reading a book. they are `ninja's, to be sure.
well, i'm planning to study abroad but i'm too lazy by nature to prepare for that. i know it's about time i wrote letters to professors in the usa and the uk, but that sounds quite a heavy task and i just can't get started. ya, i know i'd better begin before it's too late. i know i know i know. (but after all i don't know anything, as socrates would point it out...)
hey, have a look at the japanese society for utilitarian studies web site. i made it. in the program for the next conference, you can see that i'm gonna have a presentation (in japanese). i must study hard or else i'll humiliate myself.
now, almost midnight. i wonder why i can't understand what people say or write in a book. i can read the signs but i don't understand their significations. why?
`because you are stupid'. yes! good answer! but i want to know the mechanism of not understanding the things i read or hear.
`that's because when you see or hear a word, you don't have the corresponding idea.' yes! john locke would say that. i certainly know many words, but i may not have as many ideas or concepts in my mind as the words i know. or maybe my concepts are not clear enough. but the question is, why we don't do nothing about that imperfect language which is not a very good media to communicate one's concepts to another?
o, that sounds like a stupid question. i'm not the man to invent an artificial language or a device for telepathy communication. i guess i'd better study more and look for easy-to-read books.
i was reading a book on kant while crossing a street. there i saw a man walking toward me, and he was reading kinkakuji by mishima yukio.
well, which of us do you think is more strange?
i have made up my mind to write in basic english. oops, i'm not able to say `write' in basic english.
in basic english, only 16 verbs are available. oops, `verb' and `available' is not to be used.
come, get, give, go, keep, let, make, put, seem, take, be, do, have, say, see, send --- just sixteen.
and auxiliary verbs are just two --- may and will.
then how am i able to say `write'? `say in words' probably? gee, it's very hard.
yesterday i lost my bicycle key. i looked for it everywhere, but i couldn't find it. so today i carried my bicycle to a bicycle shop near here, and had the lock removed.
i sweated like a pig, you know.
it seems to be a good idea to attach a tiny bell to my new key. i have to find out where they sell those bells.
recently i watched star wars phantom menace at a movie theater. it was fun. i saw a life less ordinary and boogie nights on vcr. a life ... wasn't much good, it's a movie for teenagers. boogie ... was better. it was more serious than i had thought before watching it.
anyway i shouldn't be using so much time on movies. i'd better study, you know...
haven't done nothing. hot summer.
sometimes, i feel so useless. how about you?
i'm so depressed, and i don't know the cure. well, life goes on. i'd better listen to a good music and to try to cheer up myself.
now you're not as depressed as below. in fact, you're not depressed at all. you've got a long way to go. why don't you shut up and study harder. ('you' refers mainly to myself. i'm following the example of marcus aurelius, you know.)
I have to sit the GRE test tomorrow. I haven't much prepared for it. What am I gonna do?
I'll make a trip to London soon. I haven't much prepared for it. What am I gonna do?
wow. it's been almost a month and a half since i updated this page last. i should have written more in english than in japanese, because i sat ielts (international english language test system or something) and had to write an english composition today.
well, in fact, the ielts is not done yet. i have to take a speaking test in an hour and a half. better practice. i should prepare for the self-introduction part.
my name is satoshi kodama. i'm a japanese and my first language is japanese. my occupation is a doctorate student majoring in moral philosophy or ethics. i study the thoughts of jeremy bentham, in particular his utilitarianism. my work experience? o, i have taught primary school students, junior highschool students, and highschool students at several cramming school. it's part-time, of course.
what is my personal interests? ah, i like studying:-) i like listening to music and sometimes playing the guitar. my friend and i play rock music. we used to have a small concert. not much any more, though. now i read books and books and books. they are mostly related to my major.
what is my future plans? i want to study abroad for a year or two, and complete my ph.d degree and finally, i want to be a professor of moral philosophy.
why am i taking this test? i'm planning to study in the uk. at the ucl. jeremy bentham is said to be not the founder but the spiritual father of that university. and of course many scholars there are teaching about bentham.